How you figure that your team can affect my crew?

Music: "No Time (For Fake Niggas)"-Lil' Kim

Due to the overwhelming number of questions that are already answered here, we encourage everyone to revisit this entry. Some codes have changed as well. In example, Code Yellow used to mean balding/bald persons but it's obvious their hairlines are running from their foreheads so a code for them is no longer necessary.

***

-FAN MAIL-

whatif311: I LOVE this blog thingy!

All of us here at Goat! International love you too, sexy.

coveted185: I enjoy the offbeat humor and bluntness of the blogspot.

Rock on.

LivLuvLifeErieDewd: do you guys think im hot with my perfect teeth?

Absolutely not.

madonnafan21: i don't have scabies anymore!

Good?

not2good: im not saying anything because it will just end up in that fucking blog.

Yep.

-CHAT ETIQUETTE-

While the word "etiquette" is typically reserved for polite behaviour, in this newly-created section of the blog entries, we're going to use it synonymously with "acceptable behaviour." We're providing this section as a service to you. Use the tips we provide so you look a little less inane.

Tip #01: The ignore feature. Let us blow the whistle on this one: very few people *actually* put someone on ignore when they say they're going to. When you use the ignore feature on someone, it eliminates anything they say in chat from your view, as well as prevents them from being able to private-chat with you.

Neat, eh? The key to making it effective is you actually need to use it and not pretend. If you pretend to put someone on ignore (like 98% of the people who claim to), you're bound to slip up and be outted in the room as someone who fake-iggy's (pretends to put someone on ignore.) The former American_Doll_Posse is very good at getting people to slip up and be outted in the chat. Noteworthy: Do not be like Theeman, our FAS case from last entry, and while pretending to have his two-favourite posters on ignore, keep bringing up the "fact" they're on ignore. This means don't keep asking someone who they're talking to and then being like, "Oh, I can't see them; they're on ignore." Over. And. Over. And. Over. again. No one is convinced, Sweaty. How this incorporates into our tip section is as follows: If you can't take the heat in the chatroom, simply log-off. If you're like Novus2004 and simply can't take the heat but don't want to actually leave the computer and miss anything, then do as he does; pretend to leave the computer. His card is, "I have better things to do. I'll see you all later." While Novus2004 is a bona fide Code Red, he's at least wise enough to not try the fake-iggy shit. Props to you!

Tip #02: Do not put in your bioline on gay.com that you're not looking for a hook-up while simultaneously being logged into manhunt looking for a few loads to be dumped in your gaping ass. You don't need to try to save face by acting like an innocent Quaker on gay.com.

Tip #03: In lieu of the ignore feature, some decide to log-out of gay.com but return with a different screen-name. This is effective *IF* you're smart enough to actually change your botguard question. Enough said.

Tip #04: If you absolutely must lie to make yourself sound more interesting, do your research to make yourself more believable. If 70% of the room either doesn't believe you OR can point out flaws in your lie, you need to start over and hopefully, research to do better in Round 2. Case in point: Steve Moyer (moyersteveo18) was in the Erie room a few days ago trying to tell everyone that he worked for Penn-DOT (Department of Transportation) and that he put in over 60 hours in three days. To make himself look even "smarter", he claimed that he had to be piss-tested three times a week. Superhuman Steve *even* made time to be online constantly *and* in the bars during those three days.

Dear Steve, it's not possible. DOT doesn't allow you to work 20-hours straight. DOT doesn't piss-test you three times a week either. It takes a bit of time to do the testing, and it's just not feasible to drug-test you that often. You're a beer-delivery boy. You don't work for DOT. You live with a fossil that touches your junk so you can have a place to live. Stop the lying.

***

-FASHION-

Listen. We get it. Not everyone can afford Prada. However, the world as a whole expects fags to be held to a higher fashion standard than the breeders. We've decided to include a discussion on fashion in the blog as yet another service to you.

This is a no-no.

Seriously. Fucking stop with these ridiculous hats. They were Salvation Army rejects in the 80's, and no one is looking for their return to vogue.

Click here if you're willing and can afford to go high-end.

Click here if you need fashion advice before you hit the bars looking for some bare cock.

Click here if you want to join LivLuvLifeErieDewd while she shops for clothes.

***

-TODAY'S TROLL-

WestSideRick is our troll for today. It doesn't matter what time of the day or night; when you hit the Cleveland West room, our troll WestSideRick (WSR) is at it, creeping out the hotties.

WSR: I want a poster size copy of your pic for my bedroom, PNutOH

Now, if that doesn't say "stalker", we don't know what does.

somethingreal75: hot guy was trying to pick me up

WSR: that's what happens when you're hot

Wow, Rick, you're just full of creep-style flattery! Too bad you're blind and can't see that somethingreal75 is really fugged-out.

WSR: I could never be friends with a personal trainer, he'd make me do things I'd hate him for

Like, put the goddamn bag of chips down?

Until next time...

An Opening Q&A

01. What the fuck is this blog and who is writing it?
This blog is the collaborative effort of several writers who observe the idiots on gay.com. We are pondering pertinent issues such as: Why do ugly people post pictures and then complain when they're ripped apart? Why haven't fags learned how to dress? Why hasn't a 48-year old man grasped fundamental grammar principles? ( not2good: oh. thats why everyone changes there screen names) Why are you asking for a thin, under 35, cute hookup when you're a fat, flabby, fugged-out 30-something? (Cuddleboie) Why doesn't Novus2004 get an acid-wash for the pockmarks on his face? The list goes on and on as you, Faithful Reader, will see.

02. Are you currently looking for writers to aid (AIDS!) in the writing of this blog?
Yeah, right. While you may not be able to participate in the actual blogging, you can leave comments at the end of each entry and let us know who you'd like to see mentioned in the blog for their thuper-duper chatroom antics. You can also leave comments telling us how cool we are or how ridiculous you think the blog is. It's your comment space; use it as you wish.

03. Okay. So, what's the deal with the colored-codes people keep typing in the room?
The Code System is based loosely (like some people we know) on the hospital code system. The codes should be used sparingly as to not overkill them. If you want to draw attention to a particular fag entering the chatroom, you type, "Code (insert appropriate color.)" If you have just come into the chat or just returned to the computer, you may throw out a code and then it becomes anyone's guess who the code is. Obviously, several codes can apply to a single person but it's not necessary to list them all. If someone is ugly and psycho, (codes brown and red respectively), it is only necessary to point out the red code as that is more important to be wary of than ugliness. Of course, you don't have to listen to us and you may list all the codes for everyone in the chatroom. Who knows? We might be short an idiot for an entry and your excessive coding can be material. The codes are as follows:

• Code Red: This is to alert the chat to a known psycho. LivLuvLifeErieDewd should be excluded from the red coding as everyone in the Akron, Cleveland West, Pittsburgh, Erie and Youngstown/Warren rooms already knows she's a crazy cunt.
• Code Rainbow: Someone who might potentially be infected with the HIVvy juice
  
• Code Brown: Fags so ugly it is highly-recommended that someone burlap-sack their heads
• Code Black: Black homosexuals
• Code Orange: Anyone who isn't white or black
• Code Blue: A dumb fag (No air to the brain...)
• Code Green: A gold-digging fag
• Code Yellow: Fag into kink such as piss, shit (lots of Code Yellows in the Akron room)
  
• Code Grey: A fossil (Fag who is over 40...)
• Code White: A wigger
  
• Code Pink: Child-molesting fag (See Novus2004.)
• Code Purple: Someone who doesn't brush his teeth and/or has such bad body odor that it makes you turn purple from holding your breath

04. What is "Goat!"?
The origin(s) of "Goat!" started in a small, Chinese-buffet in Meadville, PA, in a conversation between a bisexual and his heterosexual best friend. While the story isn't as funny typed out, it is important to note that, while we dislike sycophants in general, it couldn't hurt to throw out a "GOAT!" when you see several people doing so. It could be your saving grace even if you don't like the GOAT!-clan.

05. What's the deal with Moyer and Novus2004?
Back in May of 2007, Moyer fell in love with John (hybridMAVERICK). The feeling wasn't mutual as John was just after some cock. Naturally, this didn't sit well with Moyer who convinced him and the seven voices in his head that they were dating.
As Moyer's advances for love continued, so did John's very subtle let-down tactics. In October, the ugly green head showed itself, and Moyer was revealed to be a true psychopath. Between October and December, Moyer did a number of super-sane things to show just how *much* he loved John:

• Sat outside John's apartment, in the parking lot, staring for hours on end at the front door.
• Barraged John with literally hundreds of calls and text messages after it was made clear John wished nothing to do with him.
• Threw a brick through John's window when John refused to talk to him.
• Hacked John's yahoo email.
• After John got a boyfriend, Moyer made up profiles on gay.com pretending to be said boyfriend in order to get information.
• Faked a car accident to see if John cared enough to visit him in the hospital. John didn't.
• Made up more fake profiles announcing to the room that John has HIV and gave it to Moyer. (John is HIV-).
• Subsequently, Moyer came in and announced his newfound HIV+ status. Then he denounced it. Then re-announced it. Et cetera.

You get the picture.
Moyer now resides in Pittsburgh. He lives with a fossil but will tell you he lives on his own. The stalking has subsided for Moyer no longer can afford to make the commute from Pittsburgh to Erie and back due to his being fired from a good job for being a psycho. Noteworthy: All of Moyer's fake profiles emulate the same characteristics. The person is always fat (even if they aren't.) The person is always HIV+. The grammar is horrid. Let's just say, they are very obvious.
When Moyer became the Erie room scapegoat for being a certified Code Red, the only one he could turn to was the Code Pink, Novus2004. It is rumoured Novus2004 has a hideously scarred, pockmarked face in dire need of an acid wash. It is also rumoured that Novus2004 has an Astrovan where he blows young boys (18+, of course). Papa Novus would *never* violate someone under the age of 18.

06. What if I dislike this blog and decide to report you? Then what? Huh? Huh?
Blogspot is the forefront runner for advocating freedom of speech. We have several blogs hosted on blogspot, and we know the limits. The kind folks at blogspot simply send us an email if we are nearing violation and we clean it up a little bit. If your intention is to bombard us with violation emails, it won't work. The (again) kind folks at blogspot don't bother us with the death threats we get; they simply send form emails back to the whiner and allow us to go about our [ghetto] bidness. [/ghetto]

07. What if I report this blog and the name in the chatroom advertising it to gay.com? Then what? Huh? Huh?
We're scared. Really. We. are. scared.

08. Why are you guys so fucking mean? Why is this necessary? Don't you realize people have feelings?
We're not mean. We use material that is typed by you, Le Idiot, in the chatroom. If you don't want to end up here, don't type stupid shit. It isn't necessary, but it's fun. Yes, we know people have feelings and we will make every effort to ensure fairness when reporting. If you feel the reporters were too harsh on you in a post, feel free to contact them. (see question 10.)

09. How can I stay on your good side and not end up on here?
Simple. Don't be a douchebag. Just because you're ugly doesn't mean you automatically end up on here. However, if you're ugly and you think you're hot (hotjc69), you'll soon land a spot. You should also know that grammar is a major issue. Do. Not. Type. This: Well grammer isnt importnt hear becuz were not in school n noone cares. You're wrong. In a chatroom, we communicate using words. Ergo, it is necessary to strive to communicate them as efficiently and correctly as possible.
Because we're nice people, we're going to set you up with a small list of words that you should learn to spell and use correctly. Doing so will greatly land you a favourable spot on the Goat!-list. They are (grouped):

• They're, their, there.
• Were, we're, where.
• Too, to, two.
• You're, your.
• Loser, looser.
• No one. ("Noone" isn't a word.)

10. Alright, so how do I contact you guys?
We prefer you just leave a comment with the entry you are addressing. However, if you need to address something outside of an entry, you may do so by emailing us at: ThisGoatOwnsYou@aim.com . If you do not comment on an entry and instead email us when you could very well have just commented, you won't get a response.