Monday, February 4, 2008

An Opening Q&A

01. What the fuck is this blog and who is writing it?
This blog is the collaborative effort of several writers who observe the idiots on gay.com. We are pondering pertinent issues such as: Why do ugly people post pictures and then complain when they're ripped apart? Why haven't fags learned how to dress? Why hasn't a 48-year old man grasped fundamental grammar principles? ( not2good: oh. thats why everyone changes there screen names) Why are you asking for a thin, under 35, cute hookup when you're a fat, flabby, fugged-out 30-something? (Cuddleboie) Why doesn't Novus2004 get an acid-wash for the pockmarks on his face? The list goes on and on as you, Faithful Reader, will see.

02. Are you currently looking for writers to aid (AIDS!) in the writing of this blog?
Yeah, right. While you may not be able to participate in the actual blogging, you can leave comments at the end of each entry and let us know who you'd like to see mentioned in the blog for their thuper-duper chatroom antics. You can also leave comments telling us how cool we are or how ridiculous you think the blog is. It's your comment space; use it as you wish.

03. Okay. So, what's the deal with the colored-codes people keep typing in the room?
The Code System is based loosely (like some people we know) on the hospital code system. The codes should be used sparingly as to not overkill them. If you want to draw attention to a particular fag entering the chatroom, you type, "Code (insert appropriate color.)" If you have just come into the chat or just returned to the computer, you may throw out a code and then it becomes anyone's guess who the code is. Obviously, several codes can apply to a single person but it's not necessary to list them all. If someone is ugly and psycho, (codes brown and red respectively), it is only necessary to point out the red code as that is more important to be wary of than ugliness. Of course, you don't have to listen to us and you may list all the codes for everyone in the chatroom. Who knows? We might be short an idiot for an entry and your excessive coding can be material. The codes are as follows:
  • Code Red: This is to alert the chat to a known psycho. LivLuvLifeErieDewd should be excluded from the red coding as everyone in the Akron, Cleveland West, Pittsburgh, Erie and Youngstown/Warren rooms already knows she's a crazy cunt.
  • Code Rainbow: Someone who might potentially be infected with the HIVvy juice
  • Code Brown: Fags so ugly it is highly-recommended that someone burlap-sack their heads
  • Code Black: Black homosexuals
  • Code Orange: Anyone who isn't white or black
  • Code Blue: A dumb fag (No air to the brain...)
  • Code Green: A gold-digging fag
  • Code Yellow: Fag into kink such as piss, shit (lots of Code Yellows in the Akron room)
  • Code Grey: A fossil (Fag who is over 40...)
  • Code White: A wigger
  • Code Pink: Child-molesting fag (See Novus2004.)
  • Code Purple: Someone who doesn't brush his teeth and/or has such bad body odor that it makes you turn purple from holding your breath
04. What is "Goat!"?
The origin(s) of "Goat!" started in a small, Chinese-buffet in Meadville, PA, in a conversation between a bisexual and his heterosexual best friend. While the story isn't as funny typed out, it is important to note that, while we dislike sycophants in general, it couldn't hurt to throw out a "GOAT!" when you see several people doing so. It could be your saving grace even if you don't like the GOAT!-clan.

05. What's the deal with Moyer and Novus2004?
Back in May of 2007, Moyer fell in love with John (hybridMAVERICK). The feeling wasn't mutual as John was just after some cock. Naturally, this didn't sit well with Moyer who convinced him and the seven voices in his head that they were dating.
As Moyer's advances for love continued, so did John's very subtle let-down tactics. In October, the ugly green head showed itself, and Moyer was revealed to be a true psychopath. Between October and December, Moyer did a number of super-sane things to show just how *much* he loved John:
  • Sat outside John's apartment, in the parking lot, staring for hours on end at the front door.
  • Barraged John with literally hundreds of calls and text messages after it was made clear John wished nothing to do with him.
  • Threw a brick through John's window when John refused to talk to him.
  • Hacked John's yahoo email.
  • After John got a boyfriend, Moyer made up profiles on gay.com pretending to be said boyfriend in order to get information.
  • Faked a car accident to see if John cared enough to visit him in the hospital. John didn't.
  • Made up more fake profiles announcing to the room that John has HIV and gave it to Moyer. (John is HIV-).
  • Subsequently, Moyer came in and announced his newfound HIV+ status. Then he denounced it. Then re-announced it. Et cetera.
You get the picture.
Moyer now resides in Pittsburgh. He lives with a fossil but will tell you he lives on his own. The stalking has subsided for Moyer no longer can afford to make the commute from Pittsburgh to Erie and back due to his being fired from a good job for being a psycho. Noteworthy: All of Moyer's fake profiles emulate the same characteristics. The person is always fat (even if they aren't.) The person is always HIV+. The grammar is horrid. Let's just say, they are very obvious.
When Moyer became the Erie room scapegoat for being a certified Code Red, the only one he could turn to was the Code Pink, Novus2004. It is rumoured Novus2004 has a hideously scarred, pockmarked face in dire need of an acid wash. It is also rumoured that Novus2004 has an Astrovan where he blows young boys (18+, of course). Papa Novus would *never* violate someone under the age of 18.

06. What if I dislike this blog and decide to report you? Then what? Huh? Huh?
Blogspot is the forefront runner for advocating freedom of speech. We have several blogs hosted on blogspot, and we know the limits. The kind folks at blogspot simply send us an email if we are nearing violation and we clean it up a little bit. If your intention is to bombard us with violation emails, it won't work. The (again) kind folks at blogspot don't bother us with the death threats we get; they simply send form emails back to the whiner and allow us to go about our [ghetto] bidness. [/ghetto]

07. What if I report this blog and the name in the chatroom advertising it to gay.com? Then what? Huh? Huh?
We're scared. Really. We. are. scared.

08. Why are you guys so fucking mean? Why is this necessary? Don't you realize people have feelings?
We're not mean. We use material that is typed by you, Le Idiot, in the chatroom. If you don't want to end up here, don't type stupid shit. It isn't necessary, but it's fun. Yes, we know people have feelings and we will make every effort to ensure fairness when reporting. If you feel the reporters were too harsh on you in a post, feel free to contact them. (see question 10.)

09. How can I stay on your good side and not end up on here?
Simple. Don't be a douchebag. Just because you're ugly doesn't mean you automatically end up on here. However, if you're ugly and you think you're hot (hotjc69), you'll soon land a spot. You should also know that grammar is a major issue. Do. Not. Type. This: Well grammer isnt importnt hear becuz were not in school n noone cares. You're wrong. In a chatroom, we communicate using words. Ergo, it is necessary to strive to communicate them as efficiently and correctly as possible.
Because we're nice people, we're going to set you up with a small list of words that you should learn to spell and use correctly. Doing so will greatly land you a favourable spot on the Goat!-list. They are (grouped):
  • They're, their, there.
  • Were, we're, where.
  • Too, to, two.
  • You're, your.
  • Loser, looser.
  • No one. ("Noone" isn't a word.)
10. Alright, so how do I contact you guys?
We prefer you just leave a comment with the entry you are addressing. However, if you need to address something outside of an entry, you may do so by emailing us at: ThisGoatOwnsYou@aim.com . If you do not comment on an entry and instead email us when you could very well have just commented, you won't get a response.

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great blog, Goat!

One suggestion, though: perhaps there ought to be a color-code for Caesar-fringe wearing, souped-up Honda driving, backward-cap wearing, connoisseurs of American jackass culture.

We Don't Talk to the Help said...

Your suggestion has been noted!

Anonymous said...

I love it and agree completely. Too many of the folks on gay.com have a tendency to sit in catty, albeit private conversations. Probably for the best since most are not fabulous. I am no spring chicken, but I am not code gray yet. It is not hurting someone's feelings to tell them you do not love them. People need to accept that not everyone will fall for them. We cannot make people fall in love with us. Enjoy your free will, and happy reading.

Anonymous said...

Very amusing article. I myself have noticed the following scale of self-identifiers, in descending order of actual physical attractiveness:

1. hott
2. hot
3. cute
4. avg
5. vgl
6. sweet
7. honest

It is not stratified in stone, but, as a general rule, the higher one's BMI, the the more 'honest' they describe themselves*.

ta for now.

*their actual degree of confabulatory inclinations rather irrelevant, indeed.

Anonymous said...

GOOOOOOOOAT!!

I think it's pretty fucking funny honestly. I could give a couple examples of people that should be on here.. *cough* Apoca (code purple) *cough cough* Keep up the awesome job and I look forward to reading more!!

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHA

Well, this should be fun! Love the color coding idea!

Anonymous said...

I think the world should know about the drama that is gay.com. And in just a bi-state area! We do breed them crazy here and you'll see this as time progresses...

Anonymous said...

wow. love the code thing.

Anonymous said...

River Phoenix got it right on with the wigger comment.

Anonymous said...

well.. all of it is true.. I tell ya it is. I couldn't belive it when it was happening and hasnt stopped. This has been going on since august07. The sequence is wrong but you get the idea. Be careful of the goats!

Anonymous said...

Man... you really do have too much time on your hands! haha.. P.S. it is 7:24 am... i'm studying the semi colon. HOW exciting. New topic of discussion, how bout how moyer hacked my aim account and still uses it(eyeownu123). How bout how "moyerstevo" made a gay.com name similar to mine *hybridmavrick* and sent people to my house while I was in school. My mom was terrified, but didn't phase me any. If he is going to try to upset me he has to do better than that!

Anonymous said...

pss... (armanixchange021) thinks he is hot.. however he is a goat!

DKNJ said...

GOAT!

I <3 the latest entry. Nothing like sitting in my living room in the morning and having a giggle at the expense of others as I sip on some coffee.

Maybe we should consider building a mirror-website with parody profiles of each of the offending suspects.

DKNJ said...

Let's talk about people who sign onto gay.com, enter the chat room, and announce things like "Lookin 2 hire a restaurant manager. Pvt for details."

I don't get it.

Unknown said...

Dearest Goat!,

I propose we add another term or code to the registry. After little to almost no research, I discovered paraphilic infantalism. There is a simple abbreviation used to describe one of its characteristics: AB (Adult Baby). If you would kindly, as webmaster, take my suggestion with great esteem I will be forever in your debt. Literally and figuratively.

P.S. Adderall is the new cocaine.

Anonymous said...

Get a LIFE... Really!!!!
Maybe you should get out More..
It just shows how immature you guys are!

Anonymous said...

We just heard they know who the real GOAT is and it is not Donnie. A couple of those guys in gay.com who have been repeatedly bashed in this blog and in the chat rooms are begging for them to release his name or delete this blog. Some of the other comment entries in this blog are actually his (goat) under other bogus names. It all leads back to him. It does not matter what he does now because they know his real name. He will be shitting himself soon enough.

Unknown said...

Oh, and by the way, bitch ... I am voting for Hillary. So no snide comments about it before it begins.

Anonymous said...

http://myfreefilehosting.com/f/abac761403_0.86MB

Anonymous said...

Dear Goat (Donnie / Damie and crew). We are waiting for your weekly Monday bashing and homophobic racist update. It has been awhile. Something wrong? We want to hear your sexy radio voice report that you promised us last week.

www.hubforums.com looks like swiss goat cheese now. What a mess. Someone fortunately saved so much before things got deleted from the site.

Anonymous said...

www.hubforums.com was just shut down by the Feds and Ohio state. Some people are in real trouble now.

The ownership of www.hubforums.com site has been seized by the Internet Crimes Against Children (ICAC) division of the United States Department of Justice. It is within our belief that images contained on this site have violated U.S.C. § 1466A and 18 U.S.C. § 2256 and Ohio Code 2907.1. During this investigation, it is hereby ordered seizure of all materials and sites owned by the proprietor, Donnie Marsh of 93 Wick Oval Apartment 2405D Youngstown, Ohio 44502. Mr. Marsh, all known profit and non-profit associates are hereby ordered to refrain from registering new domains or actively logging into existing domains. Be advised that non-compliance is a federal felony. At the conclusion of the investigation, the site and all materials may be deleted from the server and stored as hearing evidence. Any attempt to delete from this server will be considered obstruction of justice. If the conclusion is favorable to the defendant, all materials will be restored without prejudice.

They are looking at this blog too.

Anonymous said...

The internets are crawling with PEDO DONNIES!